Last Day of Placement

LAST DAY... so sad. Today was crazy. I packed up my desk. I said my goodbyes. I did my last one on one supervision with Eileen. It was really sad, she taught me so much. She is one of those people I have so much respect for in the field because she is so passionate about the work she does. I helped Eileen with some running around but it wasn't long before our day was turned upside down. A youth came into the centre stating he was having trouble getting his medication and he was thinking about killing himself. For people who do not work in the field they may not understand all the issues that come with a threat like this from a young person but it's pretty crazy. This youth had attempted a couple times before and was very close to some of the staff in the centre. With this also comes a great deal of conflict of how to deal with a situation like this. There is policy, ethics, and heart that comes into play.. not all that work well together. To say the least, the rest of the day did not run how anyone expected and it was all kind of a blur. But this is how this field works. Youth come first and can change your day like that. It was a good reality check for the week and an interesting way to end my placement journey at the centre. I’m not sure what is in store for me next per say. I know I will be coming home to at least one more exciting new experience with the conference, after that who knows. I will be done my degree after far too long, and am unclear where that really is going to lead me next. But one thing I do know is I am taking so much more back with me then when I came and I am thankful for that.

Last Drop-In :(

I came into work early to try and get a power point together on Canada and finish putting together Canada quizzes for the different age groups. After being sick most of the week and really not getting the sleep I needed to I have kind of been struggling. I think all the emotions of leaving in a couple days, saying goodbye to everyone, and realizing I’m heading home to do step right into presenting at a conference is all starting to wear me down a bit. I took a bit of a break to help some of the older girls who came in with their CV's. After that it was on to my finial evaluation with Catherine and Eileen. It went better than I could have ever hoped. Eileen had so many great things to say about me. I was able to complete all my goals and so much more. I am so blessed to have had this experience and all my dreaming and hoping of what this could be were not even close to how amazing it really was.

I ended the evening with the drops in. This could have been a bit more organized. I think there was some miss-communication on what was going on and I thought I was only programming for the Canada piece; it turned into being very stressful and overwhelming at the beginning. But I really should have put more faith in the youth. They are all really so wonderful and chill; the night ended up turning out amazing and all the stressing was for nothing. We had pancakes, not Canadian style as I did not learn until later their pancakes are more like crepes, with maple syrup and fruit. It was really lovely. Kids hungout, played pool, did art, and chatted. We ended each drop in with a Canada Quiz and gave out prizes I had brought with me. I really loved it. The goodbyes were pretty hard though. I know after working at camp that is crazy how close some kids will let you get in just a week, so it's not like I didn’t expect it. It's just every time when it's an authentic experience it still amazes me. By the end of the night I was so tired and still sick though, I felt wonderful.

I met with JLO!

I'm still dragging a bit but I'm making things happen. I came into placement excited from my conversation with Anna (the Juvenile Liaison Officer). First I worked on finishing my power point slides for the conference. Once that was done I had a bit of time to go over my questions for Anna before she showed up.

My time with Anna was great. Just like I had hoped, she was able to fill me in on so much missing information about how youth first would get referred to a Garda Diversion Project in the first place. She told me about what happens when a youth first gets in trouble and the steps that need to be taken for them to end up in a program like this one. A youth first needs to admit guilt or they are not even eligible for other measures and go straight to court to face a judge. If they are then found guilty this type of program is no longer an option. A youth on only a first or second time offence can be issued a caution which will lead to this program as well. If they are involved in a Garda Diversion program and are found guilty of other offences, the involvement in the program can help decide a lesser course of action if they have been having positive feed back coming from the project. I really learned so much, this just being a bit of it. I was so glad I was able to get to talk with a JLO worker. Anna explain a great deal about different options for youth and how probation would work as well. I think my understanding of the juvenile system in Ireland was improved a great deal after our conversation.

After I was done with Anna I had another opportunity to do a home visit with one of the other girls from the girls group on Monday. This visit was super interesting and very different from the first. This mother had very little understanding of the program and had not had other children involved before which showed up very clearly in the first contact. Building the relationship with the parents is as important as building it with the youth even though the face time is very minimal. When you have the parents on your side the process becomes that much easier, but its a fine line because at the same time you need to balance the line of truth with the youth, letting them know that the group is a safe place for them to be open and share and that the obligation is not to inform the parents, but keep them involved unless of course it falls under threat to self or others.

After we were done with this home visit we headed back to the centre. The last part of the day was running the young boys group. They like always were cute and starting to warm up to me even more. We had worked on some art together and I was starting to get to know them more and make connections to their older siblings. The boys were cute when they were saying goodbye and did really well during the programming piece where we had started to talk to them a bit about anger and different ways to express it. So fun to see them do the counting game, they had become quite good at it and really seemed to enjoy it. I then headed home for an early night as I was not feeling that good still.

Homevisit

When I got up on Tuesday I wasn't feeling much better but I am determined to make the most of the last of my time here. I got into placement and started getting my questions ready for the JLO worker as I was finally going to meet with her this week. I am very excited for this and am trying to come up with some good questions so it doesn't feel like a waste of time for her. I think I should be fine though cause I really do have question about how the process works in getting the referrals so it shouldn't be too bad.

I completed the last interview questions I needed to get done with Martin as a rep for the FAN project. Trying to find time had been a challenge over this past six weeks. Also I think it was easy to put if off and drop it to the bottom of the list when it was coming up against urgent programming stuff, but it is done... They all got done. It's wonderful.

Also, just before groups started I went with Eileen to do a home visit to one of the girls from our girls group. It went really well and it was super interesting to see family dynamics and make some connections to the youth. The visit spoke so much to the community and helped me have a greater understanding of the youth. I wish we had more family interaction in the work I am doing now at home. I know it for sure has it's challenging but for the times that it can be positive at all, I think it's so important.

In the evening I had my last group with the one of the groups I had grown to know quite well. It was hard, but it was good to see them for that last time as a group. They all stated they were going to come to drop in on Thursday to say goodbye. It's hard... but just because they would be a fun group to work with. But there are a lot of great kids in the group and they seem to be good supports to each other.

The last group did not show up. Eileen had not been able to set up home visits but was going to try again this week so they could figure out what was going to be happening with this group in the future.

Update On Blogging.. Please be patient! I`m Sorry.

Just wanted to give everyone a heads up.. I do have rough drafts done but have not been finding as much time to write them up as i would like but they are coming so please be patient with me. This is so much to write and share and I don't want anyone to think i have forgot it will just take me a bit too caught up. These last few weeks have just been very busy as i am trying to take everything in and get as many experiences as possible.  I really hope people my stories and thoughts though and that me sharing it helping create a picture of this amazing experience i have been going through. Looking forward to adding more and hearing feedback, questions, or comments. Thanks so much everyone for your support.

Looking forward to seeing some of you soon and sharing so many more stories and the literally hundreds of pictures i have.

So Much Love,

Vanessa Cutler

No Fun Being Sick

Monday was a hard morning. I woke up not feeling well at all and so upset because it was my last week here so I needed to make it work. I headed into placement at the regular time but was not doing well at all. I took part in a program meeting with the FAN team and tried to help get everything ready for the groups in the evening. But after only being there a couple hours and after some encouragement from others I decided to go home for a few hours. I slept and woke up and felt a bit better, but was still dragging. I ended up going back into placement because I wanted to be there for the last group time with the girls group I had been working with. I was super glad I did because it was good to be there and to say goodbye as a group. I also think it was important because I wanted to finish up some programming I had started with them. I am worried after today though because I knew this week was going to be crazy busy and kind of sad with it being my last but being sick on top of it is making it so much harder. I feel like I am floating through it a little bit instead of being able to completely be present. But it's hard to do when you feel awful. Hopefully I will get over it fast as I really don't have time for this right now.

Last Weekend in Ireland - Sligo

My last weekend was amazing. I took the train to Sligo where I was going to meet Emily and Michelle. They both drove up there earlier in the day. I decided to take the train to give myself a different experience and a break from the buses. It was really wonder. I ended up making small talk with a man who lived just outside of Sligo but often came to Dublin during the week to do work. He told me about how he volunteered at the homeless shelter in city on his nights off. We talked music and politics. He shared with me cool stories about different cultural things. It made the three hour trip very enjoyable even though we really didn't start talking till about half way through.

Once at Sligo Michelle and Emily picked me up at the train station and we made our way to Emily's parents house. Sligo is beautiful! We made a quick stop to see her sister and say hi. We picked up a few things at the store headed on. Emily's family was so amazing and so welcoming. It's a super cute place just out town that her parents build when she was young. That night they had a amazing dinner with her family and her sisters. After we all sat around and talked late into the night.

The next day, after an amazing fry made by Emily's Mom, the girls took me to see the sights. First we went to W.B. Yeats grave. We stopped and had tea and just enjoyed our morning.

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=1860

We then made our way to a waterfall and checked it out. It was gorgeous.

http://www.sligozone.net/GlencarWaterfall.htm

We made our way to the other side of town into the country to check out the beach. The tide was in so we stayed up and just kind of looked around. Emily then took me to a place called Hangman’s Hole. It was so amazing. The views in Ireland still blow my mind. We then went back up the way to Emily’s but went up the hill where you could see all along the coast and see the mounts surround it all. I also got to see a real hermits village with was really cool because I did not know they were real groups with their own spiritual practices. We then made our way back to the house for dinner. We had an amazing meal again and decided to ditch out plans to go out in the evening as we were all pretty tired and feeling a bit poor. Instead we stayed in, went through her Mom's wedding pictures, pictures of Emily and her sisters when they were young, and played a rousing game of Cluedo.. Which is Clue back home.

Sunday we got up again and made our way to the beach to have lunch in a pub with a hatched roof. It was really nice and the food was lovely. Emily braved the wind and cold to get me some real Irish sand and we made our way back into Sligo.

We got to the train station and we said out last goodbyes. It was super sad because I have no idea when and if I am going to see these girls again. They have been so amazing to me throughout my whole stay and I value their friendship so much. It was a really amazing last weekend but I am starting to get very glad that my trip is almost ending.


On the train ride home it was so beautiful. I am starting to feel a bit run down through and not sure if it the after effect of trying to heal from my tattoo, a really busy weekend, getting sad it's almost the end, or my body is just pushing it's self through these last 5 busy weeks and is starting to let go a bit. Whatever it is I know I need to make it through this last one and hopefully in a few weeks from then will have time to rest.