Secret Millionaire in Finglas

I woke up and didn't feel better. Worst feeling ever, you tell yourself it's a new day things are going to be different and everything is going to be ok.. but it kinda feels like something is hanging over your head. I know I need to just keep going and move on. I know this up in my head but my heart is hurting. It sucks to screw up and seems to be something I am carrying with me for the moment. I just wish I wouldn't have done it, I just should have taken a second to think.

Anyways enough of feeling sorry for myself and regrets. I wanted to be here, I want to be here. I just want to do better. I don't need to do things like this and prove to those people out there that have been throwing me under the bus for years that they were right to do so.
In this field the hardest thing is when you mess up it's not just you or your supervisor or even a company you hurt. It's real people who often have enough going on for them that they need you to be at your best. They need you to leave your shit at the door and really be present for them. This is the thought that keeps holding me and bring me back to messing up. That although I’m a student, although I’m human, I need to do better then this.. and that thought then plays into all my insecurities around my work, like I am not one of those amazing people who was just built for this field. I am struggling to feel better about messing up in the group.
So really anyways.. Today I didn't do to much. I think my confidence has been shaken a bit and I’m just stepping back a bit. It works out anyways because I received an email today from G asking me to do some work on the research project back home. It was nice to think about something different after last night and shift my attention a bit. Get to be artistic and play with visual arts.. something I enjoy. I do sometimes find it hard though when my confidence is down to really feel sure about anything I am doing but I gave it my best. Eileen was still in training today so it gave me something to fill my time with.
In the evening the groups were in for planning and hanging out to try and get them off the ground. The two groups tonight ran fairly smooth. Just talking and trying to get a handle on what directions the groups wanted to move, who was coming back for sure, and building up positive group interactions again.
Tonight I just came home and hung-out in my room. I watched the episode of the Secret Millionaire that the Detached Team was part of. I don't know if I have spoken much about this in my blog yet at this point but is has been a very hot topic in the centre since I got here. It's very interested and there was a lot of talk about how the program might come off, how the editing was going to affect it, and what story got into the program and what didn't.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0E9dz0QgfI