Today when I got to the centre Eileen was back. She talked to me about how the training was really good and she used it to try and make connections with other people in the area in related areas that might have access to services that could support the youth we are working with. I have done lots of training in my day but when I go to training I don't always see it as a opportunity to network and hearing Eileen talk about it in this way made a lot of sense. I think often because we go through so much training and have so much opportunity for training back in Alberta we might not always see this as one of the bigger roles and opportunities that training can provide. I think another disadvantage is that we are often taking it within our own organizations by having them bring someone in directly for their staff which if often more convenient but takes away from our ability to utilize it as a networking opportunity, The day although it was busy seems to hang a bit as I worked. I think because I still am trying to move forward from everything that happened earlier in the week I am finding myself pulling back a bit.
I starting working on a facebook group for the den after having some conversations with the FAN team and Micheal over what they were looking for and wanted in a facebook page. It was simple enough to get the information together and start creating something simple and hopefully easy to use for the centre.
I also made a phone call to Bus Erin again to see if there was a way I would be able to get my binder back. I talked to a man who seemed very much less than impressed with me. He said he would put it on a bus today and if I did not show up to get it I would not get it back. He stated he would put it on the last bus and if I was not there, my loss basicly. Not as friendly or as helpful as I had hoped but it was my fault so I will make it work.
The FAN team also had a referral meeting for today. I enjoyed getting to take part in this meeting because it gave me more of a chance to see what happens when there was new referrals and how they checked in with old referrals or made the decisions to close files. It gave me more understanding of the need in the community and numbers of youth accessing the program when given the opportunity. I was able to see how the process of forming new groups came about and what facts came into placing new referrals into groups. So much of this process is based upon the team and individual workers. I think it's great that each member is able to use their knowledge and background in the community to share in the conversation around how to form groups in a more organic way that makes sense than it being more on the systematic side of things.
After the meeting Eileen, Martin, and myself went right into our Jr boys group. They are adorable 12 year olds who all want to be little thugs. So cute.. but some with some really crazy family history and issues. I really like this group of boys but it's hard not to have your heart break when you see how just so innocent yet on the edge they are with directions they could go in life. This group is fun with lots of energy but an age group that I’m not use to working with. I took a step back and really tried to observe interactions and tried to take it in.
Throughout the day I think Eileen seemed to notice I was a bit more quiet. I sat down and explained to her that I had made a mistake in the girls group and was just trying to be more aware and listen more. She stated it was ok and reminded me that I am a student and I am here to learn. She really doesn’t want me to step back too much. I feel like I have been trying to push myself forward but have been struggling a bit.
Paula called me in the evening to check in.. I kinda let some tears slip. Weird because today wasn't even a bad day. I think I just get stressed and try and hold myself to a high standard. This week not being able to meet that, feeling like I’m making stupid mistake after stupid mistake has been wearing on me. I think I am also starting to notice that not having enough people in my life who are such big supports has been a struggle this week as well. The whole being in a different city/country/home is starting to become more real.
Happy to say though I did make it to the bus. That was an adventure all on it's own tonight. I made my way downtown early because I didn't want to miss the bus.. but because of how the streets are set up and how taxis work in this town the dropoff stop ends up stretching about two blocks so it was more of a struggle than I thought. At one point I even thought I had missed the bus, and one was driving away just as I was walking up and when I tried to stop him, he waved me off like I was a crazy nut job.. which I guess I was. I waited a few more minutes in desperation hoping it had not been my bus to find that for once I had some luck and it was not. I spoke to the driver, got the binder, and started to make my way back to Finglas.
Another cool thing that happened on my trip downtown was I ended up seeing a party bus. This was exciting/funny because in one of my groups from Tuesday night the youth had been talking about their Debs. I know I haven't talk about this really either yet but basicaly it's like a grade 9 grad in Canada except it's a HUGE deal. It's after they get their results from their Jr certs. Anyways there is always so much to talk about and try and explain from everything that I am learning about here but basicly the group of grads had told me they had booked a party bus.. even though they are not suppose to be able to drink on them. So when I saw it I just smiled. It was a good way to end the night.. thinking of them celebrating and hoping they were making positive choices and having a good night.
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